There are things I lie to my husband about. I will be honest, I don’t always tell my husband the truth. Why? Well, there are many reasons, most of them point to needing a break or wanting a pair of damn shoes that don’t have holes in them…
I am not going to sit here and justify myself though. I do this shit because it works and if it’s the ONLY thing that works… No harm done. At all. It’s not like I am cheating on him, or doing something illegal. Don’t judge me.
Things I lie to My Husband About
The Amount of Money I spend
I always round down to the nearest hundred. I mean, I don’t spend a lot of money often anyways but when I do, I always feel like it’s too much, so I take some money off. WHAT?! I need those shoes, wanted a hamburger on my shopping trip and that case of wine… necessary.
I fake Sick
There have been times that I have faked being super sick with the flu. Yeah, not the actual flu, I have the Mommy needs to lay in fucking bed and watch TV flu. I commit to this though so he can stay home from work and watch the kids and give me a much needed break. I don’t do this often, but if I don’t pretend I am ralphing my cookies… I might go nuts. It’s for my sanity.
Yep, I lie to him about my weight. If I lost 10lbs, I tack on an extra 5 to make myself seem like I am working harder than I actually am. Plus, I tell him: “Don’t let me have that cheeseburger until I lose x amount of weight…” and if I want that damn cheeseburger bad enough, I will add the extra 5 pounds to get it..
I blame my farts on the dog.